


What I need

by SepulchreDeVagisPhantasiis



Category: Original Work
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Other, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25646659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SepulchreDeVagisPhantasiis/pseuds/SepulchreDeVagisPhantasiis
Summary: Basically a venty thing. I'm a bad adult and falling apart. Abuse mention, but not very detailed. Suicidal ideation.
Kudos: 2





	What I need

I'm sobbing around the last worda, stuck entirely on trying to convey just how much I've fucked up, how much I hate myself for pushing things back until I was screwing myself over. "And I know it's my fault and I catch myself sometimes but I still do it because that's just what I do. So now all my moving funds are gone just because I couldn't tell my rental company I was moving! Gods. I'm so- I'm so amazingly stupid and I hate that I'm like this that I'm perpetuating my own trauma cycles now and-- gods, K. I hate myself so much. I just... i just want..." I can't even pretend to look at him anymore, hide my face in my hands. 

"Want what?"

I have to wait til I can breathe again. "To die." 

His arms come around me like a vice and I have to force myself to relax into him, let him pull down my hair and gently massage my scalp. "You aren't allowed to kill my friend. Even if they are a little dumb sometimes. It's okay. You'll get through this and be better. And I know that's little comfort right now but that's all there is to it."

I turn into him, lean my forehead against his shoulder. The brief respite I got from his startling me ends too soon, and I mumble an "I'm sorry." when I sob into his shoulders. His arms come tighter around me. "I'm so sorry. Please-- please don't-- I'm sorry." 

He makes a shushing sound at me. "It's okay. I've got you." 

And I cry,and cry, and cry, til there are no more tears, and still he holds me, ever patient as I try to pull the shards of my soul back together. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I've got you." 

He makes a soft sound for me when I kiss him with the salt of my tears still on my lips. "Thank you." 

He makes a noncommital sound and brings me into a second kiss. "Come cuddle up with me for the night. We can talk it out in the morning with clearer heads." 

I'm not sure if he means my idiocy or the kisses, but I follow him to bed either way.


End file.
